I Am Wolf

 The price of being a sheep is boredom.

The price of being a wolf is loneliness.

I am Wolf, and I am a lone Warrior. I live in the high country of the mind “where one has to become adjusted to the thinner air of uncertainty,” in the words of Robert Pirsig, “and to the enormous magnitude of questions asked.” I sometimes hesitate to follow where the questions lead for fear of getting lost and never finding my way back. Boredom is something I have never known. Living is eternally mysterious and fascinating, and I am forever focused on trying to understand it. But it is a lonely path.

From my vantage point, I quietly gaze upon the world of sheep below, grazing their wide pastures from sunup to sundown, and I wonder how they manage to live so simply in their unchanging reactive world of consumption and fear. They quiver at my howl and stampede at the sight of my shadow in the moon, yet while they fear becoming prey to my stealth, my hunger is for a different kind of nourishment.

I am very comfortable leading a solitary existence, but need to run with the pack from time to time to keep balance. It is a life of intellectual caution balanced with carefree playfulness. I think for myself, improvise, and create. I scavenge, hunt, and hide. And I howl once in awhile, not out of loneliness, but out of a pure exuberance in living.

It is necessary to spend most of my time alone and away from the pecking order of the pack. Alone, one is forced to get in touch with the larger reality that doesn't care what society thinks. If I don't find water and shelter, I shall perish; I have to scavenge and hunt for myself, and solve problems on the basis of evidence I gather on my own, instead of reacting to group perception. The scientist and the artist within rise to their finest expression in my solitary world.

When I spend time with the pack, the rewards and social status therein become more immediate that the larger reality and greater mystery that holds my attention when I howl at the moon alone in high country. When the moon rises, I hear a distant call that will always lead me away. I am Wolf. Quietly I will endure. Silently I will suffer. Patiently I will wait. For I am a Warrior. And I will survive.

Artwork by Breanna Kay Cornell