Hello,
welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have mutilple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, an 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want, so please stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are anxious, please start pressing numbers at random.
If you are phobic, don't press anything.
If you are anal-retentive, please hold.
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