I Know Nothing

I don't know anything anymore.

For a long time, yes, I thought I knew. I thought I understood.

In fact, I was clinging desperately to knowledge... dressing it up like a costume. It was my greatest protection mechanism, my greatest bulwark against this world that frightened me so much.

Until EVERYTHING collapsed. All the psychological structure, all my certainties to what I believed was "me". Seeking to understand what was happening, I did what I knew the best. I read. Stuffed myself with new knowledge. Spiritual kno wledge. I tried to understand the path on which I had just fallen despite me. I consulted, listened, followed training courses, met masters.

But... at last, I lost interest. Lost interest in explanations, recipes, lessons and all those people who are legion now, telling you how to be happy, how to breathe, to meditate. Explain to you the effects of the next moon on your moods or tell you what realization or enlightenment is.

The thrill is gone...

So much, that I came to wonder why I kept doing the same.

Why would I continue to be a Presence on your path to Realization?

Pure Consciousness of Being. Pffffff...

At some point, I realized how all this is so ridiculous! How I was again, a kind of impostor in that illusionary freak show. But, at the same time, I saw how perfectly correct all this IS. How beautiful is this freak show...

Because between this and that, there’s the happy in-between.

When we think we understand, action emerges. It is born from this will to share knowledge with others. But when we realize there’s nothing to understand, but simply to be what we are, what brings the being to act? To do?

Where is the middle ground between doing and being?

I fell in this kind of no man's land. For a while. I kept coming back to this NOTHING... this nothing I know, this nothing I am...

The will to share fell apart. For a while.

Continually reminding myself I know NOTHING.

I am. That’s it.

I sank deeper and deeper. And then... life rushed again. More powerful than ever! And I realized... I am also Life! A peaceful form of life, sheltering enough love to embrace all the suffering of humanity. Probably because I've been through so much myself...

I don’t know.

But I know this: When I turned to my heart and felt so deep inside me all the welcoming capacity it contained, Life suddenly took me in its arms, kissed me and pushed me gently on the back, whispering in my ear: Go! Share!

Since then, I share. Share a bit of what I am. Of what it is, in each wonderful moment of Life. It's not much, but it's something. It’s not more, but it’ not less than all the rest.

It's joyful, it doesn't take itself seriously and it loves life. So much!

And maybe that, in a world filled with all sorts of illusory fears, is worth sharing?Perhaps just as much as all the great Advaita, Non-Dual, Zen, Buddhist, Christian teachings? Maybe as far as any of these modern spiritual amalgams abounding, it deserves to be expressed? Maybe, it’s important to remind that rather than finding explanations for the why of things, we can simply begin to accept, to welcome within us and simply LOVE?

A bit more each day...

Love this world as it is. With all our great opinions and our great certainties.

As we are... With all our strengths but also all our weakness. With the doubts remaining and this uncertainty specific to Life.

Maybe I am enough good or ready to share the back story which has been told for so many years? How this one ended, giving birth to this joy, living in me now and this love of Life carrying me and pushing me to share itself?

I profoundly feel I must keep faith there are people out there, somewhere, who need to hear that Life is beautiful. That suffering should not be fought, any more than anything else. To hear that we have in our hearts a Love concealing a power allowing us to welcome EVERYTHING of Life.

I have no clear answer when a doubt emerges about that need to share. Just a profound momentum of Life to go on. I accept to not know with certainty, in this world where everyone seems to want to do the same as me as soon as they have touched their truth. Some might say go on, it's the continuation of your path. I don't feel that I'm walking a path, but rather that it's the path that opens in front of me. More and more widely.

But it’s just a feeling, I know. For the rest... I don’t know... I know nothing at all! I simply live.

I’m returning to a kind of oblivion, allowing me the wonderful peace to ask less and less questions and stay with the Silence. So, I’m just trying to live the life that was given to me as best as I can. With all the love of which I am capable.

No, really, I don't know anything. So, I have nothing to teach. No certainty to bring. Just a Life to share, and so much love to welcome the Life that you are.

They say that knowledge liberates...

Really???

I think it's Love.

by Diane Gagne at scienceandnonduality.com