The Little Death

make a decision to relinquish the need to control,

the need to be approved, and the need to judge

...to reach a state of bliss

Deepak Chopra

Native Americans call the ego “the seducer,” the little voice that corrupts and leads one astray. The vision quest is a tool that’s used to transcend the power of the ego and gain one’s rightful role as the master of self. I would find that fasting would indeed teach me to master my ego. Your ego always wants physical comfort and for life to be easy and expects others to serve it, no matter how inconvenient or humiliating to another.

Fasting teaches you to transcend this selfish monster and learn humility and control over your body. After the first day, my ego was incredulous that I was

putting myself through this self-induced torture. It tried every trick to get me to give up. The thoughts in my head were, Why don’t you quit and go home and get some food and rest on a comfortable bed? You’ve already gotten the answers you came for, so let’s go.

Quieting the voice of the ego takes incredible discipline and patience. After the second day, the voice slowed down. I was no longer hungry to the point where I thought I was going to die, which was a trick the ego was trying to get me to

believe. On the third day, everything was quiet in my mind; the little death had happened, and now I was prepared for the real work. I was relaxed and peaceful. It was one of the best feelings and the worst feelings I’d had in my life, because as the peaceful feelings washed over me, I began to see all of the negative events

that the little voice had caused me in my life. I would focus on these thoughts and the feelings that they caused within me, and then I learned to let them go. It was a wonderful feeling to let go of things within me that I had no idea that I had been holding onto. The memories would flood through me like a wave from a dam

that had just burst. As I let them go, the peaceful feeling would return and wash over me. I would be in bliss for a time, and then another painful memory would

arise from seemingly nowhere and I would repeat the painful process until it was all done. Tears of sorrow and frustration would sting my eyes, sometimes gasps of pain would wrack my body, and then it would be over as quickly as it came. Just when I thought I could bear no more, I would get release, and the blissful ecstasy would return, and the tears of pain would be replaced with tears of joy.

I remember going through a whole day like this on the third day when I had the emotional cleansing roller coaster.

I was grateful for the experience, and now I knew what the real work was all about that my spirit had planned for me. I watched the sun go down and listened to the chorus of the birds as the night approached, peaceful and content. The

stars came out, and I felt the immense expanse of the cosmos and felt myself expand. I felt a oneness with all of life as never before.

from Chapter 13 of The Intuitive Warrior by Michael Jaco